Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Why I'm Voting Democrat

Happy Tuesday!

We are two weeks away from one of the most important elections of our time. It is essential that we educate the masses and get out the vote. But for your Tuesday, I thought it would be nice for a little sarcastic humor. Of course, sarcasm is no good and not funny if it does not hold an element of truth.

Why I'm Voting Democrat:
-I'm voting democrat because Barbara Walters is my idol and so is P.Diddy.

-I'm voting Democrat because English has no place being the official language in America.

-I'm voting Democrat because I'd rather pay $4 for a gallon of gas than allow drilling for oil off the coasts of America.

-I'm voting Democrat because I think the government will do a better job of spending my money than I could.

-I'm voting Democrat because when we pull out of Afghanistan and Iraq, I know the Islamic terrorists will stop trying to kill us because they'll think we're a good and decent country.

-I'm voting Democrat because it's alright to kill millions of babies as long as we keep violent, convicted murderers on death row alive.

-I'm voting Democrat because I believe businesses in America should not be allowed to make profits. Businesses should just break even and give the rest to the government so politicians and bureaucrats can redistribute the money the way they think it should be redistributed.

-I'm voting Democrat because I believe guns, and not the people misusing them, are the cause of crimes and killings.

-I'm voting Democrat because oil companies' 8% profit on a gallon of gas are obscene, but government taxes of 18% on the same gallon of gas are just fine.

-I'm voting Democrat because I believe three or four elitist liberals should rewrite the Constitution every few months to suit some fringe element that could never get their agenda past voters.

-I'm voting Democrat because illegal aliens are not criminals, are not sucking up resources through government aid, hospital services, education, or social services, but are just people trying to make a better life by coming to America illegally. We can't blame them for that, can we?

-I'm voting Democrat because my trial lawyer's crippling multi-million dollar lawsuits against doctors, hospitals, drug companies, and HMO's will make health insurance and medicine much more affordable.

-I'm voting Democrat because Al Sharpton, Louis Farrakhan, and Jesse Jackson will end racism once and for all.

-I'm voting Democrat because Christians in the Republican Party are intolerant, theocratic warmongers and atheists like William Ayers have never hurt anybody.

-I'm voting Democrat so that no family member of mine will die in a hospital bed. They will still be waiting in line for Obama's socialized medicine, so they will never actually make it into a hospital bed.

-I'm voting Democrat because I like eminent domain and big business and government kicking me out of my home and taking my land.

-I'm voting Democrat because everyone knows that raising taxes at the top won't hurt people at the bottom.

-I'm voting Democrat because skin color and good oratory skills are more important than judgment and experience.

-I'm voting Democrat because protecting barren wasteland is more important than energy independence.

-I'm voting Democrat because my college professor told me that America is evil and should give up its place in the world.

-I'm voting Democrat because I believe that Cuba, Russia, and China should be on the United Nations Human Rights Council.

-I'm voting Democrat because I believe that everyone is essentially good -- even people like Ahmadinejad who call for the destruction of Israel. He just needs a little understanding.

-I'm voting Democrat because we should all be forced to drive ugly cars with the horsepower of a riding lawnmower.

-I am voting Democrat because I believe in change; although I don't know WHAT the change will be, or HOW it will happen, AND I am pretty sure that I won't WANT to actually change anything.

-I do, but still....I believe in change.

-I'm voting Democrat because the government knows how to raise children better than their parents do.

-I'm voting Democrat because I want the rich to work harder, give me their money, and pay for my services so I don't have to.

And for those who want cold hard facts...

George Bush has been in office for 7 1/2 years. The first six the economy was fine.
A little over a year ago:

1. Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high;
2. Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon;
3. The unemployment rate was 4.5%
4. The DOW JONES hit a record high-- 14,000 +
5. American's were buying new cars, taking cruises, vacations overseas, living large.

But Americans wanted "CHANGE" So, in 2006 they voted in a Democratic Congress and yes--we got "CHANGE" all right. In the PAST YEAR:

1. Consumer confidence has plummeted;
2. Gasoline has risen over $4 a gallon;
3. Unemployment is up to 5.5% (a 10% increase);
4. Americans have seen there home equity drop by $12 TRILLION DOLLARS and prices are still dropping;
5. 1% of American homes are now in foreclosure.
6. As I write THE DOW is well need I say more

So, I ask, do we really want more `change' from the Community Organizer?

I hope you enjoyed a little humor on your Tuesday. I just wanted to thank the facebook group `Why I'm Voting Democrat' and a new conservative friend, Kellen Giuda, who thoughtfully came up with these wonderful zingers!

-Chaz Oswald

2 comments:

Poor said...

Hello. My name is Edgar and I'm an editor at OpposingViews.com, the debate website. Since we both cover Michigan politics, I thought I'd drop you a note. I would've e-mailed you but I couldn't find an address.
See, we're currently having a discussion about whether Michigan should allow medical marijuana. Proposal 1 would do just that. The discussion includes The Michigan Coalition for Compassionate Care and State Sen. Tom George. See it here:
http://www.opposingviews.com/questions/should-michigan-make-medical-marijuana-legal
Although vetted experts are the ones doing the debating, anyone can contribute by choosing a side and posting comments about the experts' arguments.
Check it out and, if you have the time, let me know what you think at edgar@opposingviews.com
Thanks!

Tina said...

Great post! I found another post earlier today about sarcastic humor. I loved it and thought I'd share!
http://www.petermanseye.com/interesting-times/entertainment/355-matching-wits
Cheers!